There was a young lady named Alice
Who was known to have peed in a chalice.
‘Twas the common belief
It was done for relief,
And not out of protestant malice
A crafty young bard named McMahon
Whose poetry never would scan
Once said, with a pause,
“It’s probably because
I’m always trying to cram as many additional syllables into the last line as I possibly can"
An elephant slept in his bunk,
And in slumber his chest rose and sunk.
But he snored - how he snored!
All the other beasts roared,
So his mate tied a knot in his trunk.
There once was a gay from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket
His grandma, named Nan
Ran away with his man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket
I need a front door for my hall,
The replacement I bought was too tall.
So I hacked it and chopped it,
And carefully lopped it,
And now the damn thing is too small
There was a faith-healer of Deal,
Who said: "Although pain isn't real,
If I sit on a pin
And it punctures my skin,
I dislike what I fancy I feel.
I'm papering walls in the loo
And quite frankly I haven't a clue;
For the pattern's all wrong
(Or the paper's too long)
And I'm stuck to the toilet with glue
There was a queer fellow of Crete
Who was so exceedingly neat.
When he got out of bed
He stood on his head
To make sure of not soiling his feet.
A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, “Let us flee!”
“Let us fly!” said the flea
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
One Saturday morning at three
A cheese maker’s shop in Paris (Paree)
Collapsed to the ground
With a thunderous sound
Leaving only a pile of de Brie
There was a queer youngster named Perkins,
Who just simply doted on gherkins.
In spite of advice,
he ate so much spice,
That he pickled his internal workins'
If you catch a chinchilla in Chile
And cut off its beard, willy-nilly
You can honestly say
That you have just made
A Chilean chinchilla's chin chilly.
There was an old homo named Jaeger
Who, as the result of a wager,
Consented to fart
The complete oboe part
Of Mozart’s quartet in F major
A wonderful bird is the pelican
His bill holds more than his belly can,
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week
But I’m damned if I see how the helican
There once was a boy in the choir
Whose voice rose up higher and higher,
Till it reached such a height
It went clear out of sight,
And they found it next day in the spire.
A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left him quite nude
Saw a man come along
And, unless I am wrong,
You expect this last line to be lewd
There was an gay fellow named Gus,
When traveling he made such a fuss.
He was banned from the train,
Not allowed on a plane,
And now travels only by bus.
There once was a man from Gorem
Had a pair of tight pants and he wore 'em
When he bowed with a grin
Some fresh air quick rushed in
And he knew by the sound that he tore 'em